Receiving Care - Reminiscing and Memory [Video]
Transcript
Hi, I'm Sivea Key, and welcome to Retirement Safety Zone. Today we're talking about caregiving from a different perspective, the perspective of the person receiving care. First, we'll talk about expectations of caregivers and complaints of care receivers. Then, we'll go over five tips for dealing with emotional challenges experienced during the transition from living independently towards needing care, and we'll go into some depth about each one. We'll learn about things that you and I can do to help those we love who are experiencing this big life change.
Reminiscing, our next tool for dealing with the loss of independence, is probably the most fun for everyone involved. This simple technique has a lot of power to lift spirits. Barbara Field, writing for verywellmind.com, describes the therapy and how it works. You can find the link to the article right below this video in the description, if you'd like to learn about it in depth.
You might find it helpful to think of it as storytelling together. Keep a relaxed, open mind. No need to correct the memories. Just enjoy the warm feelings of connecting with your loved one. Do avoid mentioning what they can't do, but talk about the joy that they had during that time. You might want to say something like, "I was thinking about a time when our whole family jumped in the car and went camping at Rocky Mountain National Park." Or you could start with a phrase, "That reminds me of."
So what you're doing is avoiding saying, do you remember, because that can be frustrating and painful, especially for folks with dementia. Instead, just respond to any reaction they have. Ask follow-up questions about whatever they bring up. It doesn't even have to have actually happened at that time. Focus on feelings, any details they might remember, and if that memory doesn't spark a response, just move on. You're looking to lift spirits. There's no other goal.
Whether memory is a problem or not, sharing memories can be a wonderful way to connect. It can help you and your loved one enjoy time together. And in fact, we spoke about how people can feel lonely, even in the midst of a ton of people around them trying to help them. This is one way to bridge that gap. Make a personal connection. You can use every sense. Seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching, any of those can stir up memories.
For example, try taking out an old photo album or letters and keepsakes, or watch an old family movie together. The familiar items themselves may cheer up your loved one, and any memories that they evoke can be something that you share. You can ask them about what they were doing in a picture, for example, or why they collected a certain keepsake, something you know that was important to them.
For those who have decent hearing, music can bring a host of memories and emotions. Play songs that they grew up listening to or from their favorite bands. You can use YouTube on your phone, a quick and easy way to find something that they remembered, or maybe help them find a way to play music that they love while you're not there. Music therapy has a host of positive effects, including lowering blood pressure, boosting immunity, and staving off depression.
Foods can also bring comfort. Savor the food that you bring. Eat it slowly. Don't just gobble it down, because you're trying to experience something together. So talk with your loved one about what they remember about when they ate these foods, maybe something from their childhood or just from a good time in their life. Something as simple as mac and cheese might bring up comforting thoughts of time with a family. Miss Field suggests, "Ask them to hold a high school sports trophy or feel the raised textures on a painting. Give your relative one of their old sweaters to touch or ask them to hold close to their heart a soft teddy bear that they once held as a child." You might ask your relative to try on a favorite ring or a piece of jewelry. It's a perfect time to ask an open-ended question like, where was this from? When do you remember wearing this ring or this necklace?
And of course, use your judgment. If your loved one is not suffering from dementia, seems sharp and bright, and might pick you apart for suggesting they hold a teddy bear, there's still something to be gained by asking about the teddy bear or asking about the jewelry. These questions still pertain to pretty much anyone and can bring up wonderful memories and good feelings.
Scents. We all know smells can be powerful. I mean, just think about some special scent that you return to time and again because of a memory that it brings up. Maybe a fragrance your husband bought for you when you were dating. You can experiment with anything that's aromatic. It can be a perfume or scented candles, but it could also be, say, pine boughs, a favorite flower or freshly baked bread. You could combine two memories, freshly baked bread and a fresh buttery taste of a slice of warm bread.
Since memories of an experience can be different for each person, don't worry about not getting the response you expect from a favorite flower or a picture. Just move on to another memory or a different sense, like a song or a food. When you find something that works for your loved one, you may find that sharing that warm connection, those wonderful memories together, make all the effort worthwhile.
Thank you for spending time with me today. I hope you found this helpful, and if you did, please give us a thumbs up or share this information with your friends. Subscribe to our channel if you want to continue to learn about ways you can help others and ways that you can protect your family and your retirement. Thanks, and have a great day.
Next Steps
Looking for more information about giving or receiving care? You can find all of our posts about caregiving here.
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