Receiving Care - Challenges and Expectations [Video]
Transcript
Hi, I'm Sivea Key and welcome to Retirement Safety Zone. Today, we're talking about caregiving from a different perspective, the perspective of the person receiving care. First, we'll talk about expectations of caregivers and complaints of care receivers. Then, we'll go over five tips for dealing with emotional challenges experienced during the transition from living independently towards needing care. And we'll go into some depth about each one. We'll learn about things that you and I can do to help those we love who are experiencing this big life change.
Typically, discussions about needing long-term care revolve around availability, costs, insurance, or demands on the caregiver and their family. Outside of professional caregiving forums, it's rare to find a discussion about the emotional and physical distress of the person receiving the care. We sympathize with the people who set aside their own lives and their own needs to give care, in fact, entire forums and websites have been built to better serve caregivers. And without a doubt, caregivers deserve every bit of this support. In fact, if you are a caregiver, please check out the links in the description below for some tips and some resources.
But what about those we're taking care of? Most of us assume that if someone is getting help with the tasks that they can't do alone, then everything is okay. After all, who doesn't like a little pampering when they're feeling achy and weak from an illness? And when your spouse brings you some nice hot soup for your queasy tummy, it's natural to feel safe and cared for. Perhaps, that's part of why we don't discuss the discomfort of being cared for. Generally, we expect to feel good about the efforts of those who are caring for us. However, the reality is quite different for many people who need care. Patience is shorter when you're in pain all the time. It's easier to snap at the person who's bringing soup, say, "It's too salty," instead of saying "Thank you" to the cook. Even being asked about how you're doing can be aggravating. I mean, just how often can you respond politely when you're feeling miserable?
Frustration takes a front row seat when you can't even button your own shirt because of arthritis. I mean, let's face it, when illness or injury constantly interferes with what you want to do, it's easy to get angry. Being out of control is hard, depending on others can be even harder. Here's some of the difficulties expressed by some of my friends and family who are receiving care. Being treated like a child. If you're older, you may have had this baby talk and you know about these "I know best" attitudes by loving family members. For example, "Good morning, Sally, how are we today? Do you need some help going to the potty? Here's a cute little outfit. Let's hurry up and put it on so we can go downstairs for a nice breakfast." That high-pitched quick speech pattern also makes it harder for people with confusion or deafness to understand what's being said. I've seen care providers totally miss that my hard of hearing friend did not understand what was being said even though her answer was for a completely different question.
Particularly when staying in a facility, friends have expressed feeling out of whack because of how different everything is, alarms and loud voices at odd times, meals and sleep schedules not at the usual time, beds with complicated controls that are harder or softer than normal, and food that just isn't what you'd normally eat at home. Imagine what it's like when you take a trip. At first, it's fun, it can be exciting to stay somewhere new and experience new foods and a new routine. But after a while, things kind of start to wear on you. Maybe you're not sleeping as well in a strange place or the new seasonings or cooking style aren't settling well in your stomach. You may feel worn out and ready to go home to familiar comforts.
Now, just imagine that you can't go home. Whether at home or in a care facility, many people express being overwhelmed by all the different caregivers that are coming into their personal space. Coping with the different personalities and adjusting to schedules that the caregivers insist on takes energy. Well, it can be nice not to be alone. People can feel lonely for lack of close personal contact, even in the middle of all the hop up. Receiving care can be exhausting, lonely, painful, confusing, frustrating, and even depressing. And that can be hard to admit. So how can we make things better for our loved ones? Well, honestly, there are things that we can't do anything about. But if we start listening with care, paying attention to details and asking a few questions, perhaps we'll be able to discover how to ease some of the trials that our loved ones are experiencing.
Dr. Gwyn Cattell, a psychiatrist with years of experience with patients who are dealing with these transitions, from independence to needing care, shared the following five tips. In her experience, it's grief that's often overlooked and it is the root of emotional challenges experienced during this transition. She recommends that caregivers and loved ones consider taking these simple steps to help seniors cope with a loss of independence and abilities. One, learn to recognize the stages of grief and the methods to ease the toll. Remember that the stages of grief are not necessarily in order. Your loved one may experience them in a different way.
Number one, learn to recognize the stages of grief and methods to ease the toll. Remember that stages of grief are not necessarily experienced the same for everyone.
Two, comfort and support your loved one by reminiscing about favorite past experience or treasured objects. Focus on what your loved one most enjoyed about the experience.
Three, get to the heart of what is going on with your loved one by using reflective listening.
Four, use positive redirection to guide your loved one's thoughts away from upsetting emotions and move them towards meaningful activities.
And five, help your loved one build new routines that accommodate their changes and adjust to the caregivers entering their lives.
Thank you for spending time with me today. I hope you found this helpful. And if you did, please give us a thumbs up or share this information with your friends. Subscribe to our channel if you want to continue to learn about ways you can help others and ways that you can protect your family and your retirement. Thanks and have a great day.
Next Steps
Looking for more information about giving or receiving care? You can find all of our posts about caregiving here.
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