Receiving Care - Positive Redirection [Video]
Transcript
Hi, I'm Sivea Key, and welcome to Retirement Safety Zone. Today we're talking about caregiving from a slightly different perspective: the perspective of the person who is receiving the care.
First, we'll look at unconscious expectations of caregivers and the complaints of care receivers. Then, we'll go over five tips for dealing with emotional challenges experienced during the transition from living independently towards needing care, and we'll go into some depth on each one. We'll learn about things that you and I can do for our loved ones who are experiencing this big change in life.
The fourth tool we're going to discuss is positive redirection. It's a tool that helps people shift from being upset to finding calm, and although advice about redirection techniques are usually focused on children or adults, you can actually use this technique in a lot of situations. In fact, I read one article that described how to use it to make business meetings more productive, but the article I've found in the Learning Center at thekey.com is one of the more useful ones for working with seniors. The main points we will cover below, but if you're interested in getting more information, you can check out the description below this video and click the link.
Before any redirection can happen, take a moment to find your own calm, stop what you're doing. Slow down. Take a deep breath to calm yourself, because if you're agitated and aggressive, that can be contagious to the people around you. Being calm yourself can help others feel safe and reassured. Then, refocus on what's going on. See if you can figure out why this person is so upset. Remember that your loved one is not trying to give you a hard time. They're struggling just as much as you are, so listen to what they're saying, even if it doesn't make any sense. Focus on the feelings, express respect, and acknowledge the way they're feeling. For now, just ignore the details and facts because trying to argue with the person with dementia or someone who is very upset will only end up with everyone arguing.
Remember, maybe you wouldn't be upset by the situation, but that doesn't make it any less real for your loved one to feel upset. If they have dementia, what they're saying might not even make any sense. For example, they might say, "I need to drive the car to the ball."
Details don't make sense, but based on what you know about that person, you could make an educated guess. Try responding to the feeling expressed. You might say something like, "You'd like to go somewhere in the car today?" Then try to direct them towards a positive thing they really could do. For example, "I'll take you out in the car today and we can go get what you need." So that's not just reassurance, obviously, it's redirecting them towards an activity that they can do and might relieve their anxiety. However, if the agitation is caused by a task, something they're trying to do, then you can try to ask permission to help them. You might find it more effective if you're calm and you're feeling loving towards them when you ask, so try another deep breath or even better, bring to mind a good memory you have of being with them. Let those good feelings rise up to your smile and your eyes, and then ask permission to help them.
For example, if they're frustrated with the mess in the kitchen, you could say, "Can I help you wash the dishes?" Or try a redirection towards something you both like to do? You could say something like, "Would you like to go for a walk with me?"
No matter how unexpected their reactions, always treat your loved one with respect. Keep in mind that although you may be seeing behaviors that remind you of a child, your loved one is an adult. Guarding his or her dignity will guard against hurt feelings that can lead to agitation. You can agree with your loved one's perception of how things are without lying. The easiest way to do this is to ask gentle questions. Remember to be calm about what they're telling you. When your loved one tells you there's a strange man in the kitchen, you can validate the feeling behind it and ask questions. Even if that strange man really is her husband, try saying, "That must be frightening. Would you like me to go check why he's there?"
So that means you've acknowledged her feelings and you've also offered her a chance to gain reassurance that things are safe. Another response you could try would be, "What's it like that there's a strange man there? Tell me about what you're seeing?" And then maybe you could come up with an activity like, "It'd be so nice to go to the kitchen. How about we make some tea for this fellow?" Or something appropriate like that.
There are other reasons people can be upset, and you might discover that your loved one is having trouble telling you that they're physically uncomfortable. People with dementia may not be able to express themselves in a way you can understand, but people who are unused to asking for help or unwilling to identify a weakness in front of others also may not be able to tell you about physical pain or discomfort. So you can look for signs like fidgeting, restlessness, or having trouble sitting in one place, or just being irritable. Making sure your loved one is physically comfortable and physically well can drastically reduce the episodes of aggression and agitation. Keep in mind that as we get older, our immune systems aren't as effective. It's more likely that an actual illness, infection, or injury could be missed because there aren't the usual signs. So don't hesitate to call a nurse. If you even suspect that your loved one is physically suffering, you know them best, the nurse could miss the little signs.
If on the other hand, you're trying to help someone who's struggling with limitations, you should try to say yes as much as possible. That means focusing on what they can do, not on what they're no longer able to, that they wish they could. Talking about what they can't do or saying no, just reinforces their unhappy struggle with how things are. Some examples of ways you could approach things. Let's say your loved one mentions that she saw her deceased husband in the room. Instead of telling her, "I'm sorry, mom, but dad died a few years ago. Don't you remember?" Try a flip side to that. "Wouldn't it be wonderful to talk to him again?" Or maybe your loved one is angry and restless because they can't get up and just walk to the kitchen by themselves. No need to reiterate that they can't do that. They already know it. That's why they're upset. So instead, focus on how they could get to the kitchen and say something like, "Let's get some help with your wheelchair so you can go see what's in the fridge."
Pay attention to how you and your loved one react as you try out these different techniques, keep in mind that the goal is to help your loved one move away from being upset and toward doing something more fulfilling. That means finding and focusing on the techniques that work for both of you. It'll take some experimentation, but finding effective strategies may help your loved one find some peace and maybe even make things more peaceful for you.
If you'd like more details on positive redirection for seniors, down below this video in the description is a link to the full article. I hope this works for you.
Thank you for spending time with me today. I hope you found this helpful, and if you did, please give us a thumbs up or share this information with your friends. Subscribe to our channel if you want to continue to learn about ways you can help others and ways that you can protect your family and your retirement. Thanks and have a great day.
Next Steps
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